Should You Default to Yes or No?

We’ve all heard the advice: “Say yes more.” Just as often, we’re told the opposite: “Learn to say no.”

Both are true. Both are powerful. And both shape our careers and lives in profound ways.

The question isn’t whether yes is better than no, or vice versa. The real question is: which one do you need more of right now?

The Power of Yes

Yes creates possibility. It’s how we grow, discover, and build relationships.

• Saying yes to a stretch assignment might reveal hidden talents.

• Saying yes to a networking conversation could lead to a partnership you never imagined.

• Saying yes to a new way of doing things might unlock creativity and innovation.

Yes stretches us beyond the familiar and exposes us to the unexpected.

The Power of No

But there’s a shadow side. When everything is yes, our time, energy, and attention become scattered.

That’s where no comes in. No creates focus. It helps us channel effort into what matters most.

• Saying no to a project that doesn’t align with your values keeps you from distraction.

• Saying no to another meeting might give you the space to think strategically.

• Saying no to constant availability protects time for family, health, or rest.

No sharpens our priorities. It prevents dilution of our best work.

Every Yes Is Also a No

One of the most useful lessons I’ve learned is this: every time you say yes to something, you’re saying no to something else (Thank you, Autumn Calabrese).

Saying yes to one more late-night project might mean saying no to rest, health, or family connection.
Saying no to a speaking opportunity could mean saying yes to preserving energy for your team.

This principle reminds us that yes and no are not independent—they’re two sides of the same decision.

The Tomorrow Test

Another helpful filter: If you wouldn’t want to do it tomorrow, don’t commit today (shout out, Smartless guys).

This “tomorrow test” works both ways:

• If you’d regret saying no tomorrow, maybe that’s a yes.

• If you’d dread saying yes tomorrow, that’s a no.

It’s a simple check against overcommitting in the moment.

Seasons of Yes and No

The truth is, the right default shifts over time. There are seasons where yes is exactly what you need. And seasons where no is the wisest path.

Think of life like a plant:

• Roots → your values

• Stems → your daily priorities

• Blooms → the outcomes you’re working toward

Some seasons call for yes—fueling growth, branching out, trying new things. Other seasons call for no—pruning back to preserve the health of the plant and refocus energy where it counts.

Neither approach is better. Both are necessary.

Reflection Questions

If you’re not sure where you are right now, consider these prompts:

• What are my non-negotiable values (the roots I want to protect)?

• Which priorities need my full energy and focus right now?

• Am I overextended (too much yes) or stagnant (too much no)?

• Which choice—yes or no—would help me move closer to the career and life I want to create?

The Takeaway

Yes creates possibility. No creates clarity. Both are vital tools for living and leading with intention.

The key is not choosing one forever, but knowing what season you’re in—and making decisions through the lens of your values.

When you do, both your yes and your no become powerful, aligned steps toward the life you want to live