Two decades into my career, I landed my dream job as president of my company. I’d always been a high performer, yet as I was simultaneously building my career and family, I sometimes struggled to imagine reaching the top rungs of leadership. Like so many other women, I had aspirations that my job would serve a purpose beyond just supporting my family. I wanted a fulfilling career with an upward trajectory.
I knew—at least intellectually—what I was getting myself into and often clenched my teeth to get through those difficult early parenthood years. Even with a supportive, involved spouse, I felt stretched thin and often sacrificed sleep, exercise, and my social life.
The challenges of balancing work and caretaking are well-documented, of course. Many women—particularly women of color—fight an uphill battle regarding maternity leave policies, flexible work arrangements, affordable childcare, and the gender pay gap. Deloitte’s Women at Work study also reports that more women report bearing the brunt of childcare and caring for another adult—hello, sandwich generation—than last year.
As time passed, I built confidence in my ability to co-manage my personal and professional lives for the long haul. By the time I became a vice president, I had developed a routine that worked for both my company and my family. I integrated work and life into my waking hours based on the requirements for that specific day or week. Life got out of balance sometimes, due to school schedules or sales cycles, but I knew how to manage these temporary periods.
Then, during a company restructure, I was promoted and tasked with leading the team through the transition. While I felt prepared—I had strong relationships with the team and was accustomed to problem-solving and change management—I quickly realized my leadership responsibilities had evolved in ways I hadn’t fully anticipated.
When I moved into my new executive leadership role, the scope of my responsibilities grew in ways that affected not just my work-life balance but my entire approach to leadership. I was no longer just a leader; I had become the “caretaker” of the company’s success, which included both strategic decision-making and the well-being of the entire team. While I had a supportive founder/CEO and shared responsibility with a team of leaders, I perceived my place on the org chart as an indication that the buck stopped with me to protect the team and their jobs.
As the demands on my time and energy intensified, I had to navigate an even more complex balancing act between work and home life. My carefully crafted working-mom balance crumbled and old habits like perfectionism and anxiety crept back in, making it harder to sustain the pace.
Part of the reason I’d earned this job was my high level of accountability and empathy, both core values at my company as well as qualities stereotypically synonymous with motherhood. And so I tried to do what I’d always done – meet everyone’s needs at home and work. As pressure mounted, I asked myself: “Can I maintain this pace over the long term?”
Then I took a sabbatical.
My company offered a tenure-based sabbatical, and as luck would have it, mine came due just when I needed it most. I opted to spend that time experiencing life a little more passively and felt the brain fog lift from years of multitasking. As I reestablished my goals and priorities, I couldn’t wait to get back to work as a more focused, reenergized version of myself. I continued my agency career and also began exploring a budding interest in executive and leadership coaching.
Ultimately, leadership (and life) is about continuous growth in the face of shifting priorities. Earlier in life, transitions naturally occur between key phases—say, the summer between high school graduation and college—leaving plenty of time and space for introspection. As adults, our worldviews and passions continue to evolve, in tandem with our home and career circumstances. Life seems to move faster, so we must be proactive and purposeful about observation and reflection.
Since I experienced my second wave of working-mom burnout, I’ve talked to many other women in the same boat. While some are executives now, their journeys weren’t free from uncertainty or detours. Others took time off, quit altogether, or sacrificed the jobs they really wanted for those that were more conducive to balancing personal commitments.
As our careers progress, we have to learn new ways to lead, balance competing priorities, and manage the evolving challenges that come with senior roles. Don’t shortchange yourself. Whether it’s taking a sabbatical, working with a coach or simply using vacation time purposefully, take time to regularly reflect on if you’re living the life you aspired to and if it’s still the one you want.